2002-11-26

things are not going well. work's been a complete nightmare. i have no patience left at all. i'm beyond cranky. i am consumed by negative feelings. the last two weekends have sucked. i need to be having good weekends to make up for the weeks.

I JUST FUCKED UP BROWNIES OUT OF A BOX!!!!!!

i don't know how that happened. i really don't. i also just made vanilla ice cream and it seems ok. but the brownies? there's no excuse for that kind of fuck up.

i had a quick dinner. he was sitting right next to me. he could have talked to me. he wasn't busy. he could have spent a good 10 minutes talking to me and he didn't. that should clench it for me right? that should answer my question. i stopped eating halfway through my meal because i thought "i'm fat. that's why he's not interested". i just pushed the plate away. then when i left he was like "you're leaving so soon?" WHAT A FUCKING JERK. i don't understand. i find it upsetting.

i'm tired. i just have to get through tomorrow. right now i don't feel like i can.

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