2002-09-29

ok. i was having a relatively decent day. spent some money but didn't feel too bad about it. my car passed inspection! hot diggity DAWG diggity!!

i went for my usual evening walk. ended up in a clothing store. tried on a couple of tops so i wouldn't have to deal with my fat ass. but, BUT, the lighting in that fucking dressing room just showed me just how hideous my face really is. that just upset me.a lot. i hate my skin. and i hate what i've done to it. i should just stay away from mirrors. i think i'll try that.

tomorrow i'm going to clean and watch the alias marathon. should be good.

i was walking along this evening and pondering the futile nature of my existence and i came really close to just giving up on j. because i know it's pointless. men are torture. i was 99% convinced. then i saw him and he waved to me. and for the next block i was just a tiny bit thrilled about that. of course i went back to feeling stupid. i also felt weak willed. the dressing room episode came right after that.

i got up at 8. i am so damn tired.

previous / next