2002-09-07

i continue to experiment with looking like a girl. why do i do this? is it because i'm getting old? is it because i'm becoming vain about a face and a body i don't think are all that great anyway? i don't know. i do know that i've spent money on these clothes so i have to wear them.

i put on a chocolate brown peasant type top and a dark washed denim skirt. both extraordinarly atypical for me. yeah, so it sort of looks like something i threw together except it wasn't. it took weeks for me to find something to wear with that top. why? 'cause i'm about 5 pounds too large to get into my favorite jeans. then in another attempt to look effortless and natural, i applied THREE different products to my lips. just to get a neutral glossy thing going. good god. just to go out to dinner with people i see all the time. and i was late so i had to walk fast and then felt all icky by the time i got there. why do i do this? there is no god damn point.

i'm so tired. i should go go bed right now. but i won't. it'll be another ocuple of hours.

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