2002-09-05

what a difference a day makes. i was out of my skull yesterday and now i feel pretty close to ok.

i went out last night to a couple of different places. had a few drinks. i conducted a little experiment to see if j (my distraction) would notice my ample bossom. i didn't catch him looking, but he must have noticed. it's been years since i showed that much skin. if he looked just once and liked what he saw then mission accomplished. it was so good to see him. he makes me nervous. but i need him. if only to help my balance my thoughts. sometimes i'll catch his eye and, damn...his eyes are extraordinary. i don't mean eye contact in any flirtatious kind of way. just normal eye contact. but abnormal in that look. piercing. sounds corny, but it is absolutely true. i want to say that i wish i were good looking enough for him or gorgeous enough, but i know i shouldn't say stuff like that.

oops.

before that some guy actually stopped me on the street to tell me i was beautiful and offered to put me on television. totally bizarre.

life is so dull. a future would be nice.

i cannot wait until september 12.

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