2002-09-08

i just had some pie. i wasn't going to have it. well, i was going to have a little bit and save the rest for breakfast. and i was just going to have it cold. but then i tasted it. and it was so good that it seemed a complete crime to have it cold without icecream. (sigh) i mean it was as good as my mom's. minus the love of course. i had to eat it. all. with icecream. i had to. it's good to know that there's such great apple pie to be had around here. it's a great comfort to me.

i think the kid who sold it to me was flirting with me. it happens so rarely, but i think i'm good at spotting it. you can tell when someone's giving you a look. my ego should be in good shape this week but it isn't. anyway, fuck it, i flirted back. he was doing slight of hand with my change. i called him a trickster and told him he'd better not do that with my pie.

i was out house hunting with a friend because my other friend totally fucked with me, wasted my time and bailed on me. so when the first friend needed me to look at some places i figured i should leave the house. i didn't have to do much. i did a lot of listening. to a lot of rationalizations. then i came home, watched tennis. painted my toes. ate dinner. went for a walk. i walked by j's place of employment just as he was walking in. it was perfect. i couldn't ask for better timing. i like to see him when i'm not actually in there. so that it seems like we're just running into each other rather than me having a drink or eating dinner. but of course i go through all the trouble of walking by there with the sincere hope that i'll get lucky he'll be working. if i'm super duper lucky he'll be outside and i can smile and say hello. i call it my version of the highschool drive-by. i can get away with it because i live in the neighborhood. he always seems pleased to see me. i wish he wouldn't. it gives me that tiniest speck of hope. hope always gets me in trouble.

i looked good. good for me anyway.

at first i couldn't see him inside and then i saw him coming down the sidewalk. a tree was obscuring the top part of his body and i could just see his legs. did i recognize his legs? yes. yes i did. i don't know. maybe the kid with the pie gave me a little confidence. god bless him. whoever he is.

i'm about to start a new pack. when i wake up tomorrow morning, i expect to be SANE. sane with fewer pimples.

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