2002-07-10

i actually just added an entry. then i took a quick look at my older entries and was reminded how how i spent last summer agonizing over my feelings that boy. so i figure i'll pretend it's monday because while i've told you some things the past few months, you still don't know that i love you. what i want to tell you is that i've made the tiniest bit of progress where your concerned. well, i thought i had. it's fleeting. i think it's possible to one day shift my thoughts of you away from the front of my mind, it's hard to actually do it. i feel that it might happen. i suppose that's progress in and of itself. but i still think of you way too much. i was out last night and i was having a great time and all ic ould think about was how much i wanted you there with me. that's not progress. i want to tell you how much i miss you and beg you to come see me, but i can't. which is why i just wrote all this crap. you've told me that you're totally accepting of of how i feel but i'm still censoring myself. i guess i'm still not totally sure of your acceptance. you should feel lucky. you should think this is amazing. regardless of how you feel about me, you should be happy that someone loves you as much as i do. now if i told you that, would you accept it? that's something i'd want to tell you in person so you'd have to come see me. i know i can't make you do anything. i don't want to.

ok. i feel better now. i think i'll write to you for real.

previous / next