2003-03-21

i've been wasting a lot of time lately. well, not lately. more 10 years or so. yeah, that sounds about right.

i have managed a highly cultivated sense of ennui. that does come in handy sometimes. especially at work.

so i'm doing a basketball pool for the first time in my life. i must say i'm doing pretty well considering how little i follow basketball. i just want to do better than the guy who got me to do it. i'm sure i won't but it would be nice. and if i actually won...target.

things i would get at target if i win the basketball pool:

a folding screen

sun glasses

legos

a cute top

pajamas

today i spent a lot of money on the sanrio site. i had to do it because i am so completely depressed. it sounds kind of flippant that way,as if couldn't possibly be that depressed. really truly low. how bad could i feel if a little bit of spending can cheer me up?

do not underestimate the power of hello kitty.

it was fun while it lasted. and when that box arrives, i'm going to be thrilled. but until then i'll just keep wondering how i'm supposed to go on about my business. and thinking about people dying. and about how i don't want to talk to my own mother because she supports all this fucked-up-ed-ness.

i give up.

i barely have the energy to talk to people. i don't want to talk to anyone. or see anyone. ok, my best friend. but that's it.

i haven't been thinking clearly lately. i can tell. i don't know what i'm doing. i don't know what i want. for myself. from other people. if anything. there are people i'm pretty sure i want something from, but i don't know what it is. i'd like to just forget about those people, but i can't.

my eyeballs hurt. so i should go to bed.

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