2003-02-15

a couple of really annoying men hit on me the other night. ok, one didn't hit on me. he just talked to my chest all night and insulted me a couple of times. and annoyed the hell out of me. yet i humored him--meaning i was civil. i suppose i shouldn't have done that. i honestly hope i never see him again. if i do, i sincerely hope he's sober. maybe he'll think to apologize. the other one just made me uncomfortable. i was polite. i mean, how am i supposed to react when someone who holds ideals i despise tells me how attractive i am? why me? all this in front of a man who seems to be the whole package minus that all important characteristic: he doesn't like me.

so my day was shot to hell because of the snow we didn't get. but we're going to get it. so tomorrow and monday should be a complete bust. i got a cheeseburger. read my book. went by the hardware store. where i saw the above mentioned fellow. i was fumbling for my money when i saw movement. looked up, he was going by. eye contact without friendly recognition. well,i was about to smile, but i didn't. so eye contact was long enough for both of us to see each other, recognize each other and then for me to decide not to nod or smile or say "hey" like i would normally. so it was in between the amount of time two strangers spend on eye contact but shorter than two friends who happen upon each other. it was weird. and his eyes are so fucking beautiful. i found it upsetting. i'm ok when i see him where i'm supposed to see him. if he's where i expect him to be i can honestly pretty much ignore him. i swear, i can. i'm amazed by how well i can. it's when he pops up somewhere else that i have a problem. like the metro. i saw him again. i think i even walked right by him. good for me.

all lot of this is hormones. and a lot of it is boredom. some of it comes from being tired of being alone. and i think it's ok for me to feel that way considering that's the way it's always been.

this diary is so fucking tedious. i know. and i write it. so what does that say about me?

maybe i should have some dinner. maybe i should open up the bottle of wine i got last weekend. i am starting to feel hungry. i forgot to buy sauce.

previous / next