2002-10-19

i'm drunk and my floor is vibrating.

that can't be good.

my favorite bar has started serving mojitos. that means my favorite bartender has started serving them. they were really very good. and i really shouldn't have had that second one. especially considering the wine and beer i'd had earlier in the day.

WHY DOES HE HAVE TO BE SO FINE? my friend was with me tonight. i'm less nervous when she's there. i hate being this age. i cannot begin to describe the torrent of hormones associated with the onset of ones 30s. for the first time, i hate being 30. but that's ok. i'll be 31 soon.

good news #1. i found someone to go to london with me next year.

good news #2. i honestly don't think i'm obsessed with that boy overseas anymore. i feel it. i feel differently about it. for whatever reason, this is good. even if it's because of a feeling of general hopelessness on my part. it's still a good thing. i want to tell him. i probably won't. but apparently he thinks i sit around and dream about him all the time. which is enough reason to cease and desist immediately. the ego. the nerve. anyway, this is a big deal.

good for me. i hope i'm right.

i really wish my floor would stop vibrating. i guess that guy downstairs is doing laundry. soon he'll start cooking and all the odors will contaminate my apartment.

it's been an insanely long day. and now it's over. i'm home alone. i guess i'll wait for the alcohol to wear off.

i feel really close to being really down again. i feel like i can't do anything about it.

i still don't understand why i have an online diary.

i had been a good day. have to be clear about that. AND i've got the kettle corn to prove it.

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