2002-08-21

hrm....

well...

first off i had a beer and i didn't eat all day AND i haven't had a drink in weeks. i kind of sucked it down and it went straight to the old noggin. but it was good. and i really wish i could have had more. so there!

second, that guy reappeared. and it didn't really phase me that much. it should have made me jump for joy. mostly i guess i'm relieved. i think he's cool and i'm glad i'll get to keep seeing him. i didn't swoon though. but i wasn't/aren't in a good state of mind. seeing him is just fuel for fantasy land. a few weeks ago i was like "maybe i've got a shot", but that's all over with, i think. he's so amazingly beautiful. incredible. not perfect. perfect isn't sexy.

third, that other guy will be visiting that girl next week. and deep down i'm pissed that he doesn't want to visit me. there, i admitted it.

fourth, i'm having pest problems which is fuel for my phobias/anxieties. it makes me feel stupid. it makes me hate being here alone. that makes me feel weak.

fifth, my job is like i bottomless pit of boredom. my project is in a permanet holding pattern. i have nothing to do. nothing. god help me. and i'm thinking of doing nothing for another year?

(silent prayer)

(secret wish)

(delusions of happiness)

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