2002-08-09

i've always considered my natural state to be one of annoyance. however, disappointed is making a good showing this month.

i was supposed to be interested in this guy as a diversion. something to do this summer. but now i really like him which as completely sucked the fun out of it. to make matters worse he seems to have disappeared. i don't know for sure, but i'm left feeling like i should have made more of an effort. i'm sorry, i meant some kind of effort, no matter how feeble. but i see all these other women just lusting after him like i do. however they're more overt, in my opinion. and i keep wondering what he thinks of them. i see these two other girls/women, whatever, and i think, if that's what he wants then he can have it. he doesn't strike me as the kind of guy who'd dismiss someone outright because she's not "perfect". but what do i know? nothing. that's pretty obvious.

i did think i was making a little bit of progress. sometimes i actually think cleary and can trust my instincts.

not right now though.

i don't know. it's day 27. day 27 is a bitch. i'll spend tomorrow trying to recover from today and all day sunday looking forward to starting a new pack. the pill is the only thing keeping me sane for 23 out of every 28 days. it's a serious improvement.

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