2002-04-27

i shouldn't feel so pathetic sitting here on a saturday night. i shouldn't feel that way because for the last two weeks i've had something to do every weeknight. but i do feel pathetic. i should try harder.

i want to write to that boy. i want to tell him things. lots of things. i want to pull my brain out of my head and hand it to him. tell him to knock himself out. however i don't suppose he's got much of an interest in what i think. i could be wrong. probably never know.

i could ask him. at the very least i could ask him if he cares what i think. i could do that without actually having to tell him anything. but i'd still want to.

today i didn't get up until noon. then i discovered that i had no food in the house. i was going to make some scones but there was a nice bug in the mix. a mix bought at a supposedly upscale establishment. then all my dairy was bad. it was just a bad scene all around. there are a couple of hours i really can't account for. then i saw a movie. then walked to the store. then came home and made macaroni. a first. it was good. i even got a special not too big/not too small baking dish. i mean, here i am alone. i can't be making shit loads of macaroni. i just can't.

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