2001-10-07

spent the afternoon reading and daydreaming. well, that's been most of the weekend really. it never gets me anywhere yet i persist.

weeks and weeks of "what's next?". now something happens and it's still "what happens now?" i'm not prepared for anything. i still don't think dc is prepared for anything. arlington, yes. dc, no. my office atmosphere makes me paranoid and now this. talking to other people rarely helps. well, like i was saying weeks ago it depends on the person. i shall stick to that. i know who is well informed and who isn't and who annoys the living shit out of me. i'll stick to people i can stand. otherwise it's like talking to someone in your class before or after an exam. only in that it leads to a certain kind of uneasiness. you spend forever digesting all this information and someone comes along, says something that potentially upsets all the stuff you have in your head OR distracts you and makes you lose focus OR says just enough to alter the mindset you've worked hard to cultivate. i don't have time for that. i HATE that.

so i guess i have no choice but to trust every level of government. and hope that everyone's on the ball.

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