2001-09-19

here i am. don't know if i'll have much to say. i actually went to work today. i was even early. i just had to hurry up and get there and start being annoyed as soon as possible.

i don't know where the national guard went.

um...i'm thinking of going to london, but thinking about it seems to give me a headache. why? 'cause i don't know anything about it. i just want to go to the tate modern. i don't know when i should go. i don't know where i should stay, what package i should go with, how much time i can stand spending alone in some strange city, or even which damn guide book to buy. it took me weeks to decide on a map. it's not like i have to go. i shouldn't worry about it. i just want to get away for my birthday. if i can think of some place better than london, i'll go there instead. nothing comes to mind.

all i've done is create something about which i can be anxious and obsessed. one week i'll spend lots of time looking into it, the next i won't. i'm definitely tired of thinking about it today.

i hate being this old and this silly at the same time.

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