2001-08-31

i'm not on my computer an home, and i'd rather not add one from another computer. but here i am. force of habit i suppose.

i-95 was not the nightmare i expected. lucky for me.

i'm very bored. my mind can find no useful occupation. so all i do is think thoughts that aren't the least bit constructive or at all grounded in reality.

i know this thing i have for this guy is a waste of time and that nothing will ever come of it. how could it? i can't even see how it might be possible. me being who i am where i am. him being who he is going where he's going. yet i persist. i appear so rational to the outside world. how do i manage that? by not talking about it. i was trying to limit my writing about it, but it appears that isn't working too well. most likely because my mind is so preoccupied.

this is just how things are. how they're going to be. and i can't help but feel stupid. i can't take it much longer. it's been too long.

it doesn't matter how right i am about you if it doesn't make me happy. [see??? i slipped!!! i wrote 'you'. i need help]

and since i won't be able to write again until tuesday, this will have to suffice for a monday entry.

i don't think this experiment has worked. i don't feel any better. i feel the same, if not worse.

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