2001-08-13

ok. i just blew my wad of frustration in the last entry. completely forgetting that today is monday and that i have regular business to attend to.

You.

But so much of this has to do with me. I hate this inconstancy (good jane austen word)on my part. If my feelings are supposed to be genuine then why all this fuss??? Damn it. I'll try to do better.

I need to get off this computer.

I really miss you. And I don't think anything will ever come of this as long as you don't know the day-to-day me. It's like the process of getting to know each other is stalled--not that it hasn't gone pretty far. (Mostly I just want to know how you came to be so fucking amazing.) I want you to know me as well as any of my friends do, even the ones that have known me for 20 years. And even though I've confessed some things to you, I haven't confided. And I can't really. Not the way things are now. Partly it's cause I'm not one to spill my innards. And I'm terrified of being misunderstood.

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