2001-08-09

i'm just sitting here staring at this screen. reflecting on my day. wondering whether or not to comment.

i was out and about today. which is totally fucking insane.

i did an amazing amout of work today. again, insane.

i had two dreams this morning. the first was about that guy who fucked me up. we were hanging out. i drove him to the store. things were cool. fine. the situation in the dream seemed totally benign. having the dream is the shitty thing. then i had a dream about another guy. not anyone i know just a guy. apparently my whole family decided to set me up with someone. i talked to him on the phone. seemed nice. met him for a second. sort of made plans. then i spent the rest of the dream waiting for him to call. not fun dreams. it's like in one dream i get over someone and in the next i start over in a new situation with the same old insecurities.

i have to admit i felt really anxious this morning. i couldn't focus. i felt tense. eventually i just started working and didn't stop.

i would like to be calm and happy.

by the way, we're all still doomed. that hasn't changed.

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