2001-07-22

sunday night. in a little while i'll go to bed and close my eyes. and the next thing i know, it will be monday.

on days like today, i feel like i'm in some kind of quarantine. like i live in a bubble. like there's this space around me that no one wants to get near. i swear i can see it. maybe the empty space on the outside is connected to the one on the inside.

man, can you believe i just wrote that shit?

oh well. i still feel bad from yesterday. the feelings associated with that person are so amazingly shitty. it's unavoidable. thinking about it now, i don't know whether to vomit or start crying again. my head is staring to throb. i hate feeling this way. and it's just going to transfer to other things. other "issues". i'll just start thinking about every man who's ever rejected me. every man for whom i wasn't worth the the time or the effort. [wow. this downward spiral thing is sooooooooo easy].

i need to get to bed. i'm going to do all that pre-bed shit. that just takes forever when all you want to do is sleep.

i had really horrible nonsensical dreams last night. i hate it when there's no pleasure in sleeping. it's like the last straw. like there's no refuge. not even in unconsciousness.

well tomorrow's entry should be interesting.

it's official. i'm crying. great. super. just when i was feeling sane.

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