2003-08-13

i sat down to write and entry yesterday feeling as though i could spill my guts. and that it would all make sense. i felt for an instant that i had a hold of all the things i've been feeling lately. however, by the time i was actually looking at a blinking cursor, it had all vaporized. a think heavy vapor. everything was foggy again.

i've got to pull it together, though, because i've got a wedding this weekend. i have to act happy and all that shit. i hope it's fun. i hope no one pisses me off. i hope i get there and back in one piece. i hope i don't have to go to another wedding again for a very long time. although i certainly wouldn't deny all that marital bliss to any friend or family member. well, i can think of one friend, but that's only because i can't quite get over my feelings for him.

but i've learned very recently where i fit in in his life and apparently it's a very small spot. i would say it's about the size of the period at the end of this sentence.

i'm going to play midnight club now. i'm trying really hard not to cheat. it's very frustrating.

focus. focus. focus.

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