2003-02-06

so i was walking down the street today, as one does. and i was trying not to think about that guy who disappointed me, as they do. and of course, being a human with an imagination, i thought "i hope i don't run into him". followed by thoughts of what i might say to him if i did--something smart alec-y?? would i pretend to be friendly?

no. bastard.

anyway, there i was waiting for my train. i turned to look up the track and he was headed straight for me. well, not straight for me. straight AT me. i said hey because i had to. he had that glazed over commuter-look. we all get that. but he saw me and said hi, said my name, inquired after my well being and sat down. he was with someone. i was so happy about that. because if he hadn't been he would have had to decide what to do. sit a few feet away and ignore me, or actually have a conversation with me.

sadly we'll never know what would have happenend.

then i had to spend the trip home on the same car thinking "don't look at him. don't look at him. don't look at him". of course i did. his back was to me. PHEW. i didn't have to look at him and i didn't have to worry about him looking back if i should slip up and look. that was about two stops worth of drama.

THEN i had to spend the next few stops worrying about getting off at the same place. then i thought "fuck him i live here". it didn't happen. PHEW.

i had to write all this here because i'm not going to tell anyone about it. i told my friends that he was no longer a topic of conversation.

i just hate when shit like that happens. here i am devoting another diary entry to this crap knowing he doesn't think much of me at all.

i'm tired of him.

i came home and made some really obscene macaroni.

i'm tired of this snow. i don't mind it if i don't have to go out in it.

i need something to look foward to. i have stuff to do, i'm not looking forward to any of it.

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