2001-12-11

i'm getting worried about my trip--again, but for a totally different reason. i don't want to be thrust into some weird family dynamic. it's not my family. but i just have to trust him. him: the man with whom i am unnaturally obsessed. he wouldn't have invited me if he didn't think it would be fun. i know he's apprehensive. but sometimes having an outsider around doesn't put people on their best behavior.

so i told the brother about my trip to the emergency room last night. he soooo didn't care. he barely registered it. he's very self absorbed. everyone knows it. i can't indulge him. i can't. i won't. it's not worth it. it's in no one's best interest. he'll just have to get over it. i told him i'd be dragging his brother out to drink on new year's, which happens to be his birthday. so maybe he'll blame me instead. i'd gladly take the blame if it means having some fun and hanging with the boy.

it will be fun.

i felt alright most of today. i really liked that benadryl shot.

i ate a couple of hours ago. weird cramping. something acidic going on for sure. i can still see my busted capillaries.

i should take a benadryl and go straight to bed. long annoying day tomorrow.

in a week i'll be 30. ok, i'm already thirty. fine.

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