2001-11-17

got some mail yesterday from him...HIM...that man. I was in class all week. Programming stuff. Not very interesting. And what with these dreams I've been having I just sat there for 7 hours on Thursday and Friday just thinking about sex. I rarely get to do that for long stretches at a time. But the class was so uninteresting.

Anyway, I got the mail. No love letters or anything. Too bad.

I don't know what's going to happen when I see him. Ok, I know that noting will happen, but I don't know how I'm going to feel. Last time, I got there and was like "yeah, this is fine, I can handle this", but after a couple of days I just felt sick. It's going to be hard being so close to him. And now when I'm at this weird point where I am craving totally benign affection, I'm also terrified that he'll misunderstand my intentions. I don't really have any.

I've made a couple of contradictory statements here haven't I?

I don't want to be miserable.

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