2001-11-04

did a lot of walking today.

i still have this overwhelming desire to run away from home. ok, so i'm almost 30 and i live alone. i can do whatever i want, right? ok, this is what i really want. i want to get on a plane and fly to scotland. but i'm wondering if that would be enough. i mean, how far am i willing to go? once i got there what would i do? regarding him? i miss him. i wonder how he's doing. i can only go so long without seeing him. i just think i should do whatever i can to maintain our friendship and right now i think that means seeing him. soon. i miss him. oh, i already wrote that. sorry. but as i've said, i can't control what he thinks of me. i can't make him love me. and i don't imagine that he ever will. that's just been my experience. in my experience, men generally do not love me.

oh, that reminds me. yet another dream. this one about the biggest penis i ever saw. i'm so glad i didn't have sex with that guy. yes, there is such a thing as a penis that is too big. i don't care what anyone else thinks, size only matters in the extreme.

this has been a disappointing food day. perhaps this piece of chocolate cake will make up for it.

saw the star wars trailer today. i hope it's good. it has to be better than the last one. besides, i've been waiting my entire life to see the clone wars. i has to be good.

one more thing, i hate my cable company.

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