2001-10-10

one, ONE good thing about the election debacle: the performance of the media then has prepared me for the performance of the media now.

things are weird. odd. strange. uncomfortable. i just feel sick. i don't want to watch the news 'cause a lot of it isn't actual news. but i want to stay informed. BUT i don't want to sit around feeling like shit. like i do now. god knows i hate the metro anyway. i don't like crowds at all. i stood on the platform 15 minutes waiting for a train i actually felt comfortable in. yesterday there was a guy with cleaning solution (odd yes) but also a gun and a 12 inch knife. there's nothing stopping anyone from doing that. nothing. i don't care what they say. so i just have to get used to it. there's nothing i can do. i just have to become accustomed to all of this. people do. but i know it must take it's toll some how.

and i'm sure in va that many more people are walking around with legal concealed weapons. everywhere. super. i admit to feeling safer here than downtown. but that's always been the case. as those things go. "here" is home. "there" is full of stupid politicians and governed under a system that is totally fucked up.

i feel so rotten. but a lot of it is hormones.

i've thought so little about god the last four weeks. i don't know what that means. and i know there have been times where i've felt more alone, but this is different. right now i don't understand why i should have to.

on friday afternoon i will be stuck in traffic heading south on i-95 and i am so looking forward to it.

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