2000-10-04

Ok, I�ve got a lot on my mind and I don�t know how much of it will spill out. Some things have been percolating for a few days. My most immediate concern is how broke I am. Followed by a general feeling of futility, as I am constantly showing a lack of self-discipline and will power that is rather sad.

I may have found an apartment. It�s in a house that is painfully cute. I want it. $$$$$$$$. �nough said.

I cannot bring myself to watch the presidential debate, but I am praying for Al Gore. I�m sure he�s doing fine. I�ll turn the channel every once in a while to check in. I cannot stand to look at Bush. I can�t take it. He is so full of shit. No concept at all about the effect of fossil fuels on the environment. He�s talking about coal like it�s cold fusion. Whatever. It�s such an important election. I don�t know how many people realize it. But my consciousness has been elevated. For the first time in my life, the color of my skin has as much to do with my vote as anything else about me. And I have the NY Times to thank for that. Thank you, New York Times.

I think I�m the only person excited about the new television season. Although most people are probably just glad the Olympics are over. I love TV. I was thinking on my way home today about how busy I�m not. There are definitely things I could be doing with my time, but I don�t seem to do them. Especially the things that really need to get done. I played tennis tonight. That counts for something. I went to dinner last night. I guess that counts even though I went alone. I�m trying to learn HTML (and when I do I�m changing this template). That counts. I don�t know it�s a quality of living thing vs. a self-betterment deal. Doing things by myself isn�t always good. I guess I�m trying to figure out the kind of busy I�m looking for. Distractions are good. Using what�s left of my brain is good. I like to feel smart once in a while. I guess I�m looking for new ways to spend my time. Instead of sitting around feeling crappy, worrying about things, and wondering when I�m going to feel like I�m on an even keel. What�s it going to take? That�s been the question for a long time. When I was walking home I was thinking about people I know who always have things to do and places to be and wondering whether or not I should have more things to do and places to be. I have no idea. But one thing is for sure: the less I have to worry about the better. I know I�m not making any sense. The more I write the more I get away from what I was thinking. Oops.

I hate my neighbors.

I was watching Voyager the other night. I could go on here about sci-fi paradigms and aesthetics, but I�m going to save it. What concerned me the other day was this: A woman was delivering a baby. There was a complication. They did a fetal transport. So I�m thinking that if you�ve got this technology and you can use it to just beam a baby out of a womb then why not do it in the first place? Yes, Brannon Braga, you suck. Thanks for making the 24th Century better for all womankind.

I need some tic tacs.

One more thing. New CD. Mojave3. Excellent. Between this and Clem Snide I guess I'm some kind of alt-country fan. I'm still not sure what alt-country is.

I will say one good thing about the year 2000. And one thing only. It was been a musical voyage of discovery.

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